May 9th 2018.
You know, it has to be mutual, or it means nothing at all. You had begged your way through chances but frankly my Dear, I couldn’t give you any. The scares that you inflicted and all the pieces of my heart that were left scattered in the wind would often drive me to a place where I yearned only to breathe. I would often gaze at the moon, pinned to the sky and with clouds stiched around it and only wished for a parallel universe where I’d rule. If only we could make meanings of our silences and if only we could skip those thousand words and converse in a heartbeat.
Sometimes as I look at the time and the huge list of people that I’ve left behind, I wonder what is it that kept me going through all this. The answer was not as simple as you’d infer. No it wasn’t you or your comforting words. It was just me. My drive to live and my will power to move on.
After you left, I surrounded myself behind walls so high that could trap my loneliness. I succumbed to the trends where people stopped feeling for other people. Where it was all about buying drinks to get hooked up for the night, or where it was not saying ‘I love you’ before you said bye. I became a person in a hurry to run to the next person after bidding goodbyes to other. I wouldn’t let anyone get into my head. But then, I realised on one of my stargazing experience that life has more to it than sitting around feelingless.
We are not meant to be incomplete, but we have chosen to be. We don’t say Au Revoir anymore. We hardly feel compatibility, passion and affection and we choose our dates with swipes rather than building connections with the people we meet everyday.
I have learned from my past experiences that it is not what we express but what we feel. It isn’t definitely about sharing common things and forgetting people at the slightest of insecurity, but about letting them know that you care and sticking around in all the times.
Yes you will break your heart, you will cry yourself to sleep and you will feel the need to be shut out of the world, but it’ll all add up to a lifetime to happy experiences and certain healthy lessons.
The Girl who finally moved on.
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